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The Quack Doctor’s Proclamation – 1841 – A Poem
 This is the second of his anti-Tory poems published in the liberal journal, The Examiner, It was published in 1841 and once again signed as ‘W’.It was shown as to be recited to the tune ‘A Cobbler There Was’, an ancient air, dating to the time of James II, and in collections written against the Rump Parliament. |
| THE STORY: An astonishing doctor has just come to town, Who will do all the faculty perfectly brown: He knows all diseases, their causes, and ends; And he begs to appeal to his medical friends. Tol de rol: Diddle doll: Tol de rol, de dol, Diddle doll Tol de rol doll. He’s a magnetic doctor, and knows how to keep The whole of a Government snoring asleep To popular clamours; till popular pins Are stuck in their midriffs—and then he begins Tol de rol. He’s a clairvoyant subject, and readily reads His countrymen’s wishes, condition, and needs, With many more fine things I can’t tell in rhyme, —And he keeps both his eyes shut the whole of the time. Tol de rol. You mustn’t expect him to talk; but you’ll take Most particular notice the doctor’s awake, Though for aught from his words or his looks that you reap, he Might just as well be most confoundedly sleepy. Tol de rol. Homœopathy, too, he has practised for ages (You’ll find his prescriptions in Luke Hansard’s pages), Just giving his patient when maddened by pain,— Of Reform the ten thousandth part of a grain. Tol de rol. | He’s a med’cine for Ireland, in portable papers; The infallible cure for political vapours; A neat label round it his ’prentices tie— ‘Put your trust in the Lord, and keep this powder dry!’ Tol de rol. He’s a corn doctor also, of wonderful skill, —No cutting, no rooting-up, purging, or pill— You’re merely to take, ’stead of walking or riding, The sweet schoolboy exercise—innocent sliding. Tol de rol. There’s no advice gratis. If high ladies send His legitimate fee, he’s their soft-spoken friend. At the great public counter with one hand behind him, And one in his waistcoat, they’re certain to find him. Tol de rol. He has only to add he’s the real Doctor Flam, All others being purely fictitious and sham; The house is a large one, tall, slated, and white, With a lobby; and lights in the passage at night. Tol de rol: Diddle doll: Tol de rol, de dol, Diddle doll Tol de rol doll. W. |
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