A television comedy-drama mini-series – by Bob Denton
NADIA
O M G, O M G, O M G […] I’ve done the most awful thing. […]
I received an email from the conveyancers saying that it was time to pay the deposit over to them. […]
It looked completely authentic. […] It was a scammer email. It wasn’t the conveyancers account. […]
I just can’t believe what I’ve done…
RYAN
… I have been thinking all day that we could use that forty thousand pounds to buy a camper van, and disappear around Europe instead.
CHRISTOPHE
(Close-up of him giving a classic gallic shrug, then he turns nasty)
I think maybe you should try to be nice to me so this all goes through. To me it’s not important […]
Cherie, do not become agressive. It is most unattractive, and it will draw even more lines upon your face! […]
The Code Napoléon is quite clear on who should get what.
MANDY
Pity we married here then, under British jurisdiction!
LIZ
It’s him who wants to move […] I want to stay on at Pennant Cottage and use all the money we are about to spend, on refreshing it […]
JESSICA
Well put your foot down then and just tell HIM that!
KYLE
The 1960s have a great deal to apologise for […] That orange shag-pile mat overwhelms everything.
It’s making me feel sick! […]
ETHAN
Shouldn’t you be looking beyond the current décor mate? Assessing the space itself. Imagining what you, with your eye, could do with it?
SANDRA
I don’t want seedy city bars and strolls beside stagnating quays. I need interesting country pubs and walks along the seashore.
DONALD
The south coast is for people who’ve given up, it’s where they sit around waiting to die.
SANDRA
What? People like you!
STEPHEN
… we’ll be able to find you a suitable buyer quickly for this superb period property. […]
We’d propose holding an open day to kick things off […]
We give you six shopfronts on busy High Streets…
JACK
I recommend we take photographs and videos from our drone to show off your great town and country location. We can get you up straight away on all the key portals, OnTheMarket, Rightmove, Zoopla. Here’s how our online video presentation might look…
ETHAN
Oh mate, sushi and a cold one, beauty! […] So, the world is full of mongrels, that’s nothing new mate. […]
Crikey, be careful what you ask for. I’m not sure I’m ready for knowing what people think […]
So, what have you been spending your time on?
KYLE
I’ve created a large mood board to try to express the sort of look and ambience I’d like to achieve there.
LIZ
(She is weeping) I just can’t bear it. Why? Why us?
TIM
The solicitors say that it’s with the people two down the chain that the problem hit. I must admit that whenever I chased them it seemed there was something a bit fishy about them […]
LIZ
But, you didn’t say anything!
TIM
You know how you get when things are tense. […]
It’s not my fault that the whole thing suddenly became a slippery slope.
DONALD
This drone looks like an interesting bit of kit.
JACK
Very popular. It provides us with a very different perspective.
DONALD
But can we close in and look more at the house and garden? That’s what they’re buying.
THE DRONE CLIMBS AND LOOKS DOWN AT THE CONSERVATORY. AS IT DIVES IT CLIPS A CATENARY WIRE AND CRASHES AT PACE INTO THE CONSERVATORY ROOF. THE RESULTANT VIEW IS THROUGH A DOWNSTAIR’S WINDOW WHERE SANDRA IS RAISING A GLASS OF WINE. SWITCH TO CLOSE-UP OF DONALD’S SHOCKED FACE.
Forward to The Dream Team – Back to The Properties
Back to The Chain index – Back to My Writing
